Fairly Odd Parents Porn Story: The Expectants II Chapter 3

Disclaimizzle-
Yo dawgs, this be the four one one. I is not, nor is I ever, be
ownin of Fairly Oddparents. You feelinme on this yo? Catcha all
on the flipside yo. Respec.

2. Blondas Baby Blues

Blonda sat
at the breakfast table, delicately sipping her decaf low-fat latte
and perusing her glossy magazines. She smiled with satisfaction when
she saw her photo on one of the covers and wondered what shed done
to be so newsworthy. Reading the headline, she spat out her coffee
and gaped at the magazine, shocked. She quickly flicked to the
relevant page and was confronted with a double page spread all about
her. The title splashed across the top screamed Blondas Baby
Blues

She
gasped; how could they possibly know? She frowned as she read the
article.

In a
Fairy Soap Guide exclusive, we can reveal for the first time
that Blonda, hospital honey and star of the popular All My
Biceps, could be expecting to hear the flitter flutter of tiny
wings some time soon.

Blonda was
spotted last week in the offices of some of Fairy Worlds most
respected obstetricians, sparking rumours that she is expecting.
While official statements have not confirmed the pregnancy, sources
close to Blonda reveal that she has often confessed desires to be a
mother. Though they remain tight-lipped as to who the father could
be, speculation abounds that its possibly Blondas co-star Ditch
Davy (who plays Dr Poofeverwish), often rumoured to be her long-term
off-screen love interest. Official reports have always denied any
romantic link between the two, but sightings of the couple have
continually fuelled rumours their connection is not restricted to the
screen.

When FSG
asked Blondas father and notorious underworld figure Big Daddy if
he had heard anything to confirm the pregnancy rumours, he responded
by saying If Blonda really were pregnant shed tell me
immediately instead of letting me find out from some second-rate
cheque-book journalists. When asked if he was aware of the
rumours surrounding Blonda and Davy, Big Daddy made the comment
Theyd better not be true if he knows whats good for him.

If Blonda
is pregnant, and certainly all the evidence suggests she is, then the
father of her unborn child should watch their step, and their back.

Blonda
gaped at the article disbelievingly. Suddenly everything was far more
complicated. She skimmed the article once more, her eyes resting on
her fathers name. Her father. She had to explain things to him,
and soon. It wouldnt do to let him find out from another source,
as had so very nearly happened.

What
are you doing my love? crooned a voice behind her. She jumped with
fright, turned around quickly and said Nothing, poofing the
magazine discreetly away.

Are you
okay? asked Juandissimo, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her
ear. You look a little pale.

Im
fine, she assured. Ive just got some stuff to do today. I
probably wont be back for a while.

How
long? asked Juandissimo, gently stroking her cheek.

It
depends, answered Blonda snappily. Ive got some stuff to
sort out with Rollo and then I thought I might see Daddy.

Okay.
But Blonda, you are so tense, you should relax Juandissimo
moved his hands to her shoulders which he started to massage. Blonda
irritably shrugged him off as she felt herself begin to calm.

Theres
no time for that Juandissimo, I have things to do. She poofed away
and reappeared outside the door to the office of her publicist. She
knocked loudly and shouted, I know youre in there Rollo! Open
up right now! The door swung open and a voice with an English
accent called Well then come in baby!

Blonda
stormed into the room to see Rollo, her publicist for millennia,
leaning back in his black leather chair, his feet on the desk and his
usual cocky grin on his face.

She
scowled at him, poofed up the magazine and slammed it on the desk.
Still grinning, Rollo picked it up and flipped to the offending
pages. Its good, isnt it darling? Not an angle I wouldve
covered myself; never did see you as the motherin type. Did you
plant this?

No I
didnt, she fumed. Its not a story Rollo, its true. I
really am pregnant.

He gaped
at her, all traces of his previous humour gone. You arent,
he said, slowly shaking his head. No way. You arent. Are you?

Yes, of
course I am, snapped Blonda. Why would I make something like
this up?

For
attention, said Rollo with a shrug. But for it to be trueI
never thoughtI meanyou of all fairies

I
know, said Blonda with a sigh, slumping into one of the chairs.

Well,
uhm, congratulations I guess, said Rollo, running a hand through
his dark hair.

Shut
up, snapped Blonda.

Rollo
raised his hands defensively. Okay, Im sorry. So how did
Juandissimo take it when you told him the news?

Huh?
said Blonda, momentarily lost in her own thoughts.

Juandissimo.
When you told him. How did he react?

Oh.
Uhm, well said Blonda, shifting in her seat.

Rollos
grin returned. Oh, this is just too good. You havent told him
have you?

Blonda
opened her mouth angrily, closed it, then snapped, Well Im
going to! I just havent found the right time yet!

Hah!
said Rollo, clapping his hands together. Youve known for a week
and you havent even told your own boyfriend! I suppose it is his,
isnt it?

Yes of
course it is! snapped Blonda, glaring at him.

Okay,
just checking, said Rollo, a smile still playing on his face. Then
he leant forward in his seat, slightly more serious. Now that the
pleasantries are over Blonda, we need to go into serious damage
control. Were going to need to prepare a press statementwe
could only leave it another two months maximum before people will
start to notice this is going to be great publicitypregnancys
all the fashion now though adoption possibly would have been
better, the public loves a celebrity who adopts

Excuse
me! said Blonda loudly, yanking her agent out of his scheming.
Before you release anything to anyone, I have to tell my family.
Wanda would never let me forget it if she found out in a magazine and
Daddy would disown me.

What?
Family? Oh, yes of course! Well then tell them soon! I want to get
this news out while the gossip is still hot.

Fine,
said Blonda. Oh, and you can name Juandissimo in the statement. At
least itll stop the rumours about me and every single male in
Fairywood.

Rollo was
speechless for a moment as a large smile crossed his face and tears
of happiness sprang to his eyes. Youre giving me Juandissimo?
he asked breathlessly, as if he thought talking too loudly might make
her change her mind. I can really release the news about you two?
Finally?

Yes,
said Blonda with an impatient sigh. You may as well. Though I
dont know how much longer well last once I tell him about
this. Blonda suddenly gasped as she thought of something. And
whats the studio going to think! Can they write the pregnancy in?
She went pale as she thought of something terrible. Would they put
me in a coma?

Blonda,
honey sweetie baby, youll be fine, said Rollo with a dismissive
hand. Leave the studio to me; I guarantee theyll love this.
Its probably gonna boost ratings.

You
havent been wrong yet Rollo, so Ill leave it to you, said
Blonda, floating up and raising her wand to leave. Remember
though, not a word to anyone until I tell my family. In fact, hold
off as long as you can. I want to make the pooferazzi suffer and
wonder if they have a real story or not.

You got
it babe, said Rollo with a grin as Blonda poofed out of his
office.

—

Blonda
reappeared in Timmys room. She saw Cosmo cradling Alska lovingly
in his arms, with Wanda gently tickling her belly so she gave her
cute baby giggle. Blonda felt a distinct uncomfortableness at this
tranquil family scene. It conflicted so harshly with what she felt
about babies right now that she felt a sudden inexplicable anger
towards the family in front of her.

Wanda!
yelled Blonda. Cosmo and Wanda looked up with surprise at their
unexpected visitor; they had been so absorbed with Alska they hadnt
even noticed her arrive.

Blonda,
what are you doing here? asked Wanda with surprise.

I want
to talk to Daddy, said Blonda impatiently. Where is he?

Hes
at school with Timmy, Wanda told her, frowning slightly. But
Blonda, why do you? She trailed off as Blonda disappeared.

Cosmo
looked at her, puzzled.

What
was that about?

—

Timmy was
sitting in class, completely bored. Crocker was droning on about
something Timmy couldnt have cared less about. He was twirling his
purple pencil between his fingers, watching the seconds tick slowly
away on the clock.

He was
jerked out of his lethargy by a small poof on his desk, followed by
the appearance of a yellow pencil. Timmy was so surprised he dropped
the pencil in his hand.

Hey,
watch it kid, growled Big Daddy. Then his attention turned to the
yellow pencil by his side. I thought youd show up sooner or
later, he said. Timmy detected a note of love and caring in his
voice hed only ever heard him use for Wanda.

Daddy,
I need to talk to you right now.

Okay
Blonda sweetie. Then he addressed Timmy. You dont mind if I
leave for a bit, do you?

Nah, go
ahead, whispered Timmy. Its not like anythings going to
happen here. He watched the two pencils disappear from his desk
and then let his brain switch off. Crocker was never going to hold
his short attention span for long.

—

Blonda and
Big Daddy poofed up in their normal forms in a secluded corner of the
schoolyard. Blonda couldnt quite meet her fathers eyes; she
didnt know how hed react, but she could guess it wasnt going
to be good.

I
wondered when youd show up here, said Big Daddy, smiling at
her. Did you see what the pooferazzi wrote about you? Hordes of
them showed up here asking me questions about you being pregnant. You
know, they almost blew my cover as a godparent. I set them straight
pretty quickly though.

Thats
great Daddy, but its the pregnancy rumour I came here to talk to
you about, said Blonda, working up some courage.

Did it
bother you, sugar cake? Because you know, I can have those
journalists sorted out.

No
Daddy, thats not it. I mean yeah, the article bothered me, but
thats not why I came. You see

What
are you going to tell me? interrupted Big Daddy with a laugh.
That the rumours are true? That you really are pregnant? He
started to laugh until he caught sight of Blondas face. Blonda,
youre not going to tell me the rumours are true. Youre not
going to tell me you really are pregnant.

Well
said Blonda, putting her hands behind her back at looking away at a
tree in the distance.

Big Daddy
closed his eyes and sighed. It was a sigh Blonda knew well; it meant
her father was struggling to control his temper.

How
long have you known? he asked, keeping his eyes closed.

A
week, answered Blonda. She knew this was the calm before the
storm.

How far
along are you?

About
two months.

And
why, said Big Daddy, his voice dangerously soft, didnt you
tell me as soon as you found out?

Blonda
took in a deep breath; this was a make-or-break answer.

Because,
she started, her voice cracking with emotion. Ive been so
worried! Im so stressed at the moment, Ive barely managed to
get my head around it myself andandand I was so afraid of
disappointing you! Blonda buried her face in her hands, but not
without letting her father see a few well-timed tears.

Big Daddy
looked at her daughter and felt his heart soften. He forgot his anger
and pulled Blonda into a large reassuring hug. Its okay
sweetie, its okay, I could never be disappointed by you, he
murmured consolingly. Blonda rested her head on his shoulder and
grinned. Her father was so easy to manipulate when she cried a
little.

Thanks
Daddy, she said, pulling away after a few minutes and giving him a
small smile. You know, I havent told anyone else except you.
Oh, and Rollo, but he doesnt count.

I
appreciate that sweetie, said Big Daddy, gently kissing her
forehead. You should be able to tell your Daddy these things.
He paused for a minute. So when you said you hadnt told anyone
except me, does that mean the father doesnt even know?

Yes,
said Blonda with a bitter laugh. And Im not looking forward to
telling him either. I just know Juandissimos going to freak out

Ah ha!
cried Big Daddy triumphantly. So it is Juandissimo! Just
wait til I get my hands on that worthless little

Daddy,
dont you dare touch him! said Blonda angrily, furious at
herself for falling for one of her fathers traps. And dont say
a word to him until Ive told him, do I make myself clear?

Big Daddy
growled at her. Im still your father, Blonda, dont talk to
me like that.

Sorry,
she muttered in a tone that suggested she wasnt sorry at all.

They
floated there, staring each other down for a few minutes, before Big
Daddy sighed and pulled Blonda into a hug. He was always happy to
lose these kinds of arguments to his daughters. First Wanda, now
you; my girls have grown up so fast.

Yeah,
we have, said Blonda, pulling out of Big Daddys hug. I
should really go Daddy, I have to tell Juandissimo and it should
probably be soon. Oh, and if you see Wanda before I do, dont tell
her. I want to see the look on her face.

—

She
reappeared in the lounge room of her glitzy house, sinking onto the
sofa. She put a hand over her eyes and called loudly. Juandissimo!
She started playing scenarios through her head of what he might do
when he got the news.

No! I
am too sexy to be a father!

This is
your own fault and I want nothing more to do with you!

You
know I cannot find you attractive while you are pregnant. Good thing
I have kept in contact with so many of my ex-girlfriends!

Should she
just come right out and say it? Would that be too much of a shock?
Maybe she should flatter him first, to get him in a good mood before
she told him. Suddenly her thinking time was cut short as Juandissimo
appeared before her.

Si mi
amour? he asked flexing his muscles. What is it?

I have
something to tell you Juandissimo, she said, sitting a little
straighter. Something important. She paused, and Juandissimo
looked at her expectantly.

Yes?
he prompted.

Well,
this might come as a bit of a shock she warned.

Juandissimo
laughed and flexed his muscles again, this time so that his shirt
ripped off. I can handle it.

Blonda
looked at his smug expression and got a sudden desire to wipe it off
his face.

Im
pregnant, she said bluntly. The reaction was immediate.
Juandissimos arms fell and his shirt reappeared with a feeble
pop. He looked at her with a growing expression of horror, his
mouth opening and closing as though he wanted to say something but no
sound could come out. He made a few distressed little sounds and then
poofed out of the room. Blonda sighed; she had been right, he did
exactly what she had suspected. Still, she couldnt ignore the
feeling of disappointment. She had hoped shed been wrong, that he
would stick with her through this. But no, hed had his fun and now
he could bail, leaving her behind with a baby.

Before
Blonda could even start imagining what horrible things her father
would do when he found him (and serve him right), Juandissimo
reappeared. Blonda was too shocked for a moment to say anything, but
quickly regained her voice to mutter a cold, I didnt think Id
see you here again.

Blonda,
my love, please forgive me, said Juandissimo, flying down and
taking her hand. I wassurprised. It was the first thing I
thought of to do.

Your
first thought was to leave me? said Blonda angrily, pulling her
hand away sharply.

No, of
course not! exclaimed Juandissimo. I simply had to let what you
had told me sink in.

And now
that it has? said Blonda, folding her arms and fixing him with a
firm look, waiting for his answer.

I am
thrilled of course! said Juandissimo happily, pulling Blonda into
a hug.

What?
asked Blonda, surprised.

I am
happy, of course! I thought I would never have a child, but now I am
I love it! I like the idea of a little Juandissimo flying around
Fairy World. And it does not hurt that it is with someone almost as
beautiful as me, he added, grinning at her.

So,
youre happy about this? said Blonda incredulously. Youre
glad Im pregnant?

Yes
Blonda! exclaimed Juandissimo. I know that you must feel so
relieved by this.

Blonda was
silent as Juandissimo continued to hug her. She felt something
alright, but relief wasnt it. It was moreshock. She was shocked
Juandissimo was so thrilled, and the fact was his happiness unnerved
her.

This
has been a long day, she murmured, poofing up a mug of her
favourite coffee. She needed something to make her feel better and
help her ignore the weird feeling inside. Suddenly she felt the drink
snatched form her hand.

Hey!
she exclaimed angrily, glaring at Juandissimo who was now holding her
coffee.

You
should not have coffee when you are pregnant, Blonda. I wont let
you put my baby at risk.

Juandissimo,
growled Blonda dangerously. Give me back my coffee right now!

No,
he answered simply.

Yes.

No.

Yes.

No!

Yes!
She made a sudden lunge for it but Juandissimo was able to hold her
back easily. Realising resistance was futile against someone stronger
than she was, she gave in. Fine, she said sulkily. Keep the
stupid coffee. I dont care.

Smiling
smugly at his victory, Juandissimo poofed the drink away.

And you
can wipe that smile off your face, snapped Blonda, spotting his
expression. I still havent told Wanda, so you can come with me
when I do it now.

Gladly!
said Juandissimo, his smile staying smug. I cannot wait to see
little Cosmos face when he realises or more, if he
realises, that I am a superior man to him. But of course, how can he
not, when it is so obvious?

Yeah,
thats great, said Blonda, flying off the couch and looking
annoyed. Can we just go already?

—

Cosmo was
sitting on Timmys bed bouncing Allie on his knee. He was making
clicking noises with his tongue so he sounded like a horse galloping.
Wanda had forbidden him from turning into a real horse for these
games, so he made do with pretending. Allie seemed to enjoy it
anyway, so he didnt mind too much.

Their game
was interrupted by Blonda and Juandissimo poofing into the room.
Cosmo stopped bouncing his daughter and looked up at them, his smile
fading.

Cuzco,
wheres Wanda? snapped Blonda. I need to talk to her!

Uhm,
shes asleep, answered Cosmo. And its Cosmo

Dont
care! Just go and get her!

Cosmo
gulped and nodded then quickly poofed into the fishbowl with Allie,
mostly so that Blonda would stop yelling at him. He was seriously
debating wether he should wake up Wanda or not. Wanda would be
furious if he did, and Blonda would be furious if he didnt. Which
sister was he more scared of? He flew into his and Wandas room
still thinking. Eventually he decided that he would wake Wanda up.
Then if they were both that angry, they could start yelling at each
other rather than at him.

Wanda,
he said softly, gently shaking his sleeping wife. Wanda.

She feebly
tried to make him stop, but he persisted in waking her up.

Whadya
want? she murmured grumpily, rolling over and burrowing under the
blankets.

Blondas
here. She says she wants to talk to you.

Wanda
groaned and sat up, rubbing her eyes. Alright Cosmo, Im up!
She yawned and stretched before saying, Blonda better have a good
reason for waking me up. Itd be just like her to get me up with no
good reason. She floated out of bed and poofed out of the
fishbowl, with Cosmo and Alska close behind her.

They
reappeared in front of Blonda and (to Wandas surprise)
Juandissimo.

What do
you want Blonda? asked Wanda rather snappily, glancing from her
twin to her ex-boyfriend.

I want
to talk to you, said Blonda, matching Wandas tone. Ive
got something important to tell you.

It had
better be important, said Wanda grumpily. Some people,
Blonda, are only getting 4 hours of sleep a night because they
have a baby that wont sleep properly! I know you dont
understand about babies, or anything other than yourself, but

Well I
guess thats too bad for me, because Im pregnant! snapped
Blonda. She hadnt meant to yell it out so suddenly, but her nerves
had been pushed to the limit by Wanda. And besides, the reaction on
the pink-haired fairys face was worth it. Wanda had completely
frozen, her mouth open in the middle of her rant at Blonda. Her face
had an expression of pure shock on it, and her wide-open eyes flicked
between Blonda and Juandissimo.

Yes,
just found out a week ago, said Blonda, suddenly pleasant, with a
good degree of her sudden smugness coming through. Juandissimo and
I are thrilled, naturally, and Daddy was just as pleased when I told
him. I guess youre not going to be the only one with a baby soon
Wanda. But of course, Ill be able to get more than four hours of
sleep, Im sure, she finished with a light laugh.

Youreyoure
pregnant? said Wanda, finally finding her voice.
Pregnant?

Yes, I
am, said Blonda with a smile, thoroughly enjoying Wandas shock.
Doctors confirmation and everything.

II
dont believe it, was all Wanda could say.

Just
wait a minute here, said Cosmo with a slight frown, speaking for
the first time. Am I right in thinking that this means youre
going to have a baby too?

Everyone
rolled their eyes and ignored him.

Just
thought Id stop by and let you know personally, so you dont
have to read about it. It is in all the magazines after all.
She indulged herself in a light laugh before continuing. There was
something I wanted to talk to you about privately Wanda, but it can
wait until youre more capable of actually forming sentences.
With a nod to Juandissimo and a last smile to Wanda, they both poofed
out of the room.

So, are
they having a baby then? asked Cosmo, turning to Wanda.

Yes,
Cosmo, they are. Blondas actually having a baby. Wanda shook
her head slightly, still unable to quite believe it.

Wow,
said Cosmo softly as Alska began to stir. Hey Wanda, I think you
should feed Alska now.

Huh?
said Wanda, deep in thought and with a slight frown on her face. Oh,
of course. Give her to me then. She took Alska, still with a
disbelieving look on her face, and settled down on Timmys bed to
feed her. Cosmo sat quietly next to them and for a while neither of
them spoke.

Its
weird, said Cosmo eventually. That theyre having a baby.
Theyre not even married.

I know
sweetie. But not everyone is married when they have a baby. It
happens all the time with humans.

Yeah, I
guess. They sat in silence for a while longer. Wanda, do you
think they love each other?

Cosmo!
exclaimed Wanda with surprise. What brought this on?

I dont
know. I was just wondering what would happen if they didnt.

I guess
theyd go their separate ways.

And the
baby?

I dont
know Cosmo. Honey, dont worry about it. Blonda and Juandissimo
will sort things out for themselves. If you want to worry about
something, worry about wether Allie will throw up on you when youre
burping her. She passed Alska to Cosmo with a kiss on the cheek.
Im going for another nap. Have fun sweetie!