Fairly Odd Parents Porn Story: The Expectants II – Chapter 5

Disclaimer- Eye do knot own Fairly Odd Parents, and eye do knot own Microsoft Word spell chequer, witch has let al of these mistakes thru Let this b a lesson; u cant rely on computers two no about the subtleties of the English language. Watt does u say two that bill gaits? Hmm?

Anyway, on with the story (hopefully free of too many errors).

4. Birds Of A Feather

Cosmo was on Alskas room, watching her sleep. He thought she looked almost unbearably cute, and grinned to think how much trouble she could be awake. He heard someone poof in behind him and thought it might be Wanda, until he felt a hand grab his shoulder that was certainly not hers. He spun around and found himself staring into the purple eyes of his old rival, Juandissimo Magnifico.

Juandissimo! What are you doing here? he gasped.

I can not believe I am about to say this, but I need your advice! said Juandissimo dramatically.

Advice? About what? Cosmo was extremely puzzled. Few people had ever asked his advice before, and he never thought Juandissimo Magnifico would be one of them.

No! Not here! said Juandissimo, glancing around him nervously. He poofed them out of Allies room before Cosmo even knew what was happening, and they reappeared in a bar Cosmo recognised immediately.

Juandissimo ordered two large lemonades from the barkeeper. They were poofed up immediately.

Drink up, Juandissimo encouraged, downing half of his own glass in one gulp.

Actually, I dont really Cosmo began to explain.

Drink!

Okay! agreed Cosmo timidly. He gulped down half his glass and felt the bubbles go up his nose. His eyes watering, Cosmo thought back to the last time hed been in this bar drinking lemonade, and wondered why Juandissimo had brought him here.

Juandissimo thunked down his empty glass on the bar, ordered a refill, and turned to his green haired companion.

Cosmo, the reason I brought you here tonight is because I want your advice about women.

Cosmo studied Juandissimo seriously for a moment.

You want my advice.

Yes.

About women.

Yes.

Ha! Hahahahhahahahahahahaahaa! Cosmo thumped his fists on the bar, laughing loudly. Thats a good one!

But Cosmo, I am serious. As unlikely as it seems, I think you can help me.

Oh yeah, how? asked Cosmo, still grinning.

Wanda, said Juandissimo. Cosmo stopped smiling and narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

What do you mean, Wanda? She said that you were over her. I thought you liked Blonda now.

Si Cosmo, I do. Do not think for a moment that I would want to split up you and Wanda. True, for a long time it was my greatest dream, to finally have Wanda for myselfbut those days have passed. I love Blonda now.

Wait, you love her? said Cosmo, sipping his drink.

Yes. I mean, no. I mean, I dont know. That is why I wanted to talk to you. You see, I am going to ask Blonda to marry me.

Cosmo spat his mouthful of lemonade all over the bar. Sorry, he said meekly to the bar tender before turning to Juandissimo. Youre going to ask her to marry you! he exclaimed. When did you decide that?

Actually, Big Daddy decided for me, said Juandissimo with a dry laugh.

What do you mean? asked Cosmo, confused.

Juandissimo sighed; hed almost forgotten how stupid Cosmo was. I mean Big Daddy told me to marry Blonda.

You mean he wants you to marry her? asked Cosmo, shocked and somewhat in awe.

No, not really. He only wants me to because shes pregnant.

I see, lied Cosmo. Do you think that if I had gotten Wanda pregnant before we were married, he would have liked me sooner?

Juandissimo sighed and shook his head, resisting a very strong impulse to smack Cosmo hard around the head. Big Daddy hates me you moron, he growled, and at this very sombre thought he quickly downed his glass. Cosmo copied and quickly drank his and they both got refills.

So where do I come in? asked Cosmo after burping loudly.

I want to know if I really love Blonda. If I lover her enough to be happily married to her.

But what difference does it make if Big Daddy is making you marry her anyway? interrupted Cosmo.

For once, not such a stupid question. Because if I can convince Big Daddy that not being married to Blonda would be in her best interests (and, of course, in mine), then maybe I can get out of it.

I see, Cosmo lied again.

But that is not important right now. I want to know how you knew Wanda was the one. How did you know she was the one fairy you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

Cosmo frowned and thought hard. What had attracted him to Wanda all those years ago that let him know she was the one?

I dont know, said Cosmo after a while. I just knew, I guess. She made me feel special and safe. She saw past the idiot most people see and believed in me. Were best friends, and shell always be there for me. And I knew then, and I know now, that no matter how many stupid mistakes I make or how angry she gets at them, shell always love me and shell never want me to change.

Cosmo, that was beautiful, said Juandissimo emotionally.

Yeah. Yeah it was, said Cosmo, stunned at what he had just said. He didnt realise he was able to express all the feelings he had for Wanda so eloquently. While he knew his words couldnt sum up half of the feelings he had for his wife, he felt he hadnt done such a bad job trying.

Juandissimo was doing his own thinking. Clearly there was more to Cosmo and Wandas relationship than just lust and physical attraction. Could he say the same for himself and Blonda? They had known each other for a few months; nothing in fairy years. And now he was expected to marry her just like that. He was expected to throw away millennia of a carefree bachelors existence to marry someone he didnt even know if he loved.

And overwhelming sense of helplessness and confusion settled on him. What did he like about her? What attracted him to her other than her gorgeous looks and perfect body and radiant skin and Juandissimo shook his head and tried to focus. He liked that she was strong-willed and wasnt afraid to say what she thought or get what she wanted. On the other hand, she was vain, self-obsessed and ego-driven.

Oh God, it was so obvious. Of course he loved her; he had no choice but to love her. Blonda was Juandissimo, and there was no one Juandissimo loved more than himself. When they were together, they had to focus on someone other than themselves. In their case, two wrongs made a right.

But could he really make the sacrifice of marrying her? Juandissimo Magnifico, lover of many, to finally be tied down? He felt with a growing conviction that with Blonda, it would benot easy, but certainly not impossible.

Cosmos attention had wandered while Juandissimo was doing his soul-searching and he was startled when Juandissimo suddenly clapped him on the back.

Cosmo, I must thank you. You have helped me realise that I do love Blonda.

So, you love her now? said Cosmo, trying to keep up with the conversation.

Yes Cosmo, I do love her, said Juandissimo laughing. I love her! Larry! Another drink for me and my friend here!

The fairy behind the bar rolled his eyes and poofed up two more lemonades. Juandissimo raised his glass and Cosmo did the same.

To love, toasted Juandissimo, downing his drink in one gulp.

To love! shouted Cosmo, doing the same. My turn! Two more drinks please! Cosmo lifted his refilled glass. To Blonda, he said, nodding his head at Juandissimo.

To Wanda, he replied, nodding at Cosmo. They drank quickly and Cosmo started giggling and then hiccuped. Juandissimo laughed at him and then hiccuped himself. They started laughing together, the effects of seven lemonades obviously starting to affect them.

Juandissimo suddenly grabbed Cosmos arm. Come, Cosmo. We shall go to Blonda, and I shall tell her how I feel!

Okay, said Cosmo excitedly. They raised their wands to poof away.

Hey! said the barman before they could leave. You owe me twenty bucks!

Cosmo searched his pockets worriedly, but Juandissimo held up his hand.

This is on me. It is the least I can do after the help you have given me tonight. He slammed a $20 note on the bar and they both poofed away. They reappeared in Blondas bedroom and luckily for them she wasnt there.

Hmm, she isnt here, said Cosmo, looking around.

No, she is not here. Now what do we do?

We wait, I guess, said Cosmo with a shrug of his shoulders. The he began to grin mischievously. And I know what we can do to pass the time.

What? asked Juandissimo curiously. Cosmos grin widened and he glanced around as if he knew he was about to do something he shouldnt. After making sure the coast was clear, he poofed up a bag of white, powdery substance.

Cosmo, is that? Juandissimo began.

Yep! Icing sugar! said Cosmo triumphantly. Wanda never lets me have it, but she isnt here now! He dipped his finger in the powder and licked it. Hmm, delicious!

Juandissimo took the bag from Cosmo, eager to have some of the extremely delicious and potent sugar.

Cosmo snatched the bag back and tipped a whole heap into his mouth. I dont know why Wanda never lets me have it.

She is such a spoil-sport some times, said Juandissimo.

Yeah, agreed Cosmo. Hey, wait! Thats my wife! You cant say that about her!

Well I just did, taunted Juandissimo.

Thats it! said Cosmo angrily. He swung his fist back to hit Juandissimo and missed spectacularly. He careened across the room and fell into Juandissimo. Not expecting this, Juandissimo was unable to remain airborne and they both collapsed on the floor.

Look at what you did! said Juandissimo angrily.

Juandissimo, said Cosmo tearfully. Im sorry!

No Cosmo, I am sorry, said Juandissimo nobly. Fighting back tears, they hugged each other.

Lets never fight again, sniffed Cosmo, letting Juandissimo help him to stand up.

We will never fight again, Cosmo, said Juandissimo, putting an arm around his shoulder. For we are best friends!

Yay! Best friends! cheered Cosmo. More sugar!

Yes! More sugar! agreed Juandissimo.

Sugar makes everything better!

—

Blonda poofed up in her lounge room late that night. Shed had a gruelling of filming and was exhausted from it. Plus she had thrown up twice, so shed felt awful all day.

She collapsed on the couch, unable to be bothered to fly any more. She had expected Juandissimo to still be up and waiting for her and was disappointed that he wasnt. She could have done with a nice soothing massage as he listened to her complain about her day. She should probably get up and go to bed. She felt her eyes closingjust go to bedit wasnt that far… Blonda curled up and fell asleep.